The Freedom Effect
How “liking” a picture can ruin your life.
It’s 2 a.m., I’m on my bathroom floor with a blanket and a nature documentary to keep me company. The lights are on because I’m scared of the dark and the fan is running to fill the silence in between. I’m not going to tell you why I’m here. That’s not important. What is important is what I heard the man say through my computer. While I watched a few hundred dots soar above the ocean, the narrator explained that “all life depends on the freedom to move.” So I turned over and tried to go back to sleep.
A few bison maulings later, I finally felt good enough to go to bed, but when morning came all I could remember was that line “...the freedom to move” and that I had an Instagram post scheduled that morning. I pulled my eyelids open to check if anyone had liked it, trying best I could to not get my hopes up, telling myself no one had, so that I couldn't be disappointed.
Oh, 5 likes already. Nice. That works for me, I feel okay now. It’s worth something, I’m worth…something. 5 likes at least. I’ll get more later, I’m sure. I’ll hide the like count anyways, so no one will know. Man, I love that feature.
Check the messages, nothing. Maybe someone requested? No. Let’s look at some reels, just until I feel awake. “What I Eat In A Day As…” -nope, next, not for me. “Get Ready With Me For…”-next. “Responding To…” and I’m listening. Watching an attractive woman in her 20’s describe her beef with her commenters, arguing her point with unsubstantiated and outdated literature. I scroll on. A thin woman makes breakfast while explaining why her restrictive diet isn’t actually restrictive. Another claims she’s running late while trying on 15 outfits and searching for our -days later- stamp of approval before she heads out. A man buys a homeless woman a burger and takes a selfie.
I close the app. It’s 9 a.m. And I already feel like garbage.
Still, I want to go back. Maybe there’s something better. Something that will motivate me to keep going. Someone that will tell me I’m worth it. Someone that sounds, looks, talks…feels like me.
I open it again, press my luck.
Now, it’s 10.
11.
A few trips to Youtube and back takes us to 12.
Lunchtime.
And I have no one to eat with. Well, besides my nature documentary. It’s good for me, right?
“...the freedom to move.”
That’s just it. There is no freedom here. There is a microscopic amount of room you can explore on social media without being met with the need for validation, anger, self-hate, comparison, and the dopamine promised if you just find that one “positive message.” The promise of freedom once you “find yourself” through constant posting and regurgitation. Oh, also buy this anti-aging face serum. “It’s life-changing.”
And it is life-changing.
When’s the last time you went on social media to “catch up with friends” and came out feeling more connected to them, better about your relationships, better about yourself? Now, when’s the last time you went for coffee with a friend and felt more distant from that person, worse about your ability to have friendships, and worse about yourself? On average, in your experience, which is more likely, which happens more?
If you had the choice, which would you choose?
But that’s the thing. You don’t have a choice. Not when you’re bound to an algorithm designed to keep your attention. A platform created to double-down on your insecurities and radicalize your views at the same time. A feed that knows more about your weaknesses than you do. When you’re in a battle you don’t know you’re fighting, you can’t choose to leave. You can’t choose your freedom.
So. What then?
Well, you know a bit more now. You know that willpower isn’t going to get you out of this, you know you value real, authentic, and deep relationships with yourself and others. You know the immobility that social media creates. You’ve knocked down a wall.
Here’s how you can break some more.
Seriously reduce your social media intake.
Willpower isn’t going to cut it. Consider deleting any social media that’s not inherently necessary for your business, marketing, or portfolio work. “What about staying connected?” You have a phone for that. “What if I miss something?!” So what if you do? Be intentional about your time on these apps; go in with a purpose, e.g., posting, looking for a specific account/product. Have a set “zone” for your social media time; make it outside if you can, never in your bedroom, and set a timer. Put your phone away/turn it off for dates, vacations, or anywhere with the ability to people-watch (this includes waiting rooms, buses, car rides, etc) and just notice.
Proactively plan for in-person interactions.
Be intentional with a monthly coffee date, bonfire, game-night, brunch, or walk downtown. If you’re long-distance, make facetiming/skype a priority, and actively schedule times to talk to one another.
Call/Facetime instead of texting when possible.
Oh, I can tell I’ve hit a nerve with this one. I know, it’s scary. I hate it too. We get to hide behind a text bubble and decide when we want to answer. But, if what you’re really wanting is a deeper relationship with the people around you, hearing your voice and seeing your face is an instant way to feel a step closer than texting. You can’t grow closer without getting more vulnerable.
Make small moments meaningful.
Compliment your cashier. Thank them and mean it. Ask a stranger about their hat and where they got it, what their dog’s name is and what their recommendations are for good places to eat around a new area. Notice how early the first tree turns orange on your road, when the birds start chirping and who sets up for Christmas the soonest. Bake cookies for your neighbor -even the one you hate- and invite them over for dinner. Look up, look around, and look for ways to get off and out of the walls of your phone.
The more you do this, the more walls come down. The more room you have to move. To give a little to the opposing argument, to understand another’s point of view, to give yourself a break. To grow.
Therein lies the real freedom.
To move.
To meet.
To be.
